I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
