So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize