So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
