You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
