im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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