He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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