Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
