Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
