True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize