New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
