I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
