i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
