one might say we're banned from that church
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
