she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
