I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
