Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
