..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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