While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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