Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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