at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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