so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
