Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
