Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
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