so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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