She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
