I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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