i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
