I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
