i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
