dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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