Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i've created a new STD.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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