yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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