My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
