I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
