I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
