never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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