there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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