You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
