he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish you could order shots online.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
