Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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