the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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