That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
