The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
