you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
