You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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