OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
