my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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