smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he puts the penis in happiness.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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