she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
