My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
