I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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