His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
