We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
