he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
