You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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