You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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