Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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