all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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