Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
