i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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