my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
