I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
