I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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