remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
