he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
